i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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