You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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