He is an equal opportunity slut.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
