I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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