How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
