do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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