Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
