What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
