You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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