so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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