How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
