so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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