Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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