I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
