I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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