i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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