Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
