Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
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If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..