Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
