He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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