What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
