Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
