p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
