Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
