I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
