We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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