i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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