I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
