I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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