OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
