I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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