He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
