Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
