so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
