I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
