Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
