She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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