Swine flu. Run for my life!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
