Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
