This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She told me I should be a condom model.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
