I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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