I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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