omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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