Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
