You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
