She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
