i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
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the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
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You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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