chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
