We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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