i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I looked at my own cervix.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
