I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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