I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
