They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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