you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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