i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
