Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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