BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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