he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
