Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
