I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize