btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
