Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
