you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
