I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
