I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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