I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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