im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
