I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
