It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
