O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
