Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
