Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
