my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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