She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
