Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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