So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Randomize
