Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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