It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
