I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
